Thursday, 9 July 2015

How to achieve the perfect marriage.

This week in our meeting we sought to understand a woman's role in marriage. For a marriage to work, both need to understand each other's needs and be able to meet these needs. This is the reason why many marriages end up in divorce or betrayal, because basic needs are not being met, and it leads to frustration and pain.

Meeting each other's needs

The popular saying that women are from Mars and men from Venus could not be any truer when it comes to marriage. Men and women want different things from marriage, and failing to realise this has led many to be disappointed and frustrated, to the point of getting divorced.

Randal and Claudia Brito, opposites that live together in good harmony!
What we women look for in a partner is providence and protection. Even the most independent woman is searching for a provider. She may not need someone to provide financially for her, but she is looking for a reliable man, who will remain faithful only to her and will be there to support her through life, to pick her when she's down and to provide emotional stability to her.

Men on the other hand are searching to be superheroes. They are driven by a sense of achievement, and want to feel like they are conquering something in marriage. Their most desired price is their wife's respect, which is a stamp of approval.

Newly weds, Renan and Carla Vieira vowed to meet each other's needs.
Mars meets Venus

So, with these differences in mind, how can we best meet each other's needs. The Bible advises:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:22,23)

Many view submission as being someone's doormat, annulling your personality and being humiliated by a man. 

But that's not how God intended it to be. God intended submission to be about respecting your husband so his needs may be met and in turn, he will meet yours by providing for you. It's a give and take that allows two completely different creatures to come together in good harmony.

Luis and Moti Bernardino have been together for 18 years.
I found submission to be humiliating

For many years, Moti used to agree with popular culture. She shared, "Every time I would go to a wedding and would hear the Pastor mention submitting to your husband, my stomach would knot. 

I detested the idea and even decided to never get married. But, I fell in love and it turned to be my turn to hear the very same words. 

Because I respected God's Word, I gave it a shot. However, every time I would have to set aside my will to to do his, I got angry and felt humiliated."

When Moti finally understood her role as a wife and this give and take, she began enjoying her marriage.

We finalised the meeting saying, the measure you use will be measured back to you. If you choose to be protective of yourself and keep holding on to your ways, how can you expect someone to do the same for you? 

Submission is not about losing, it's choosing to make the person you love happy, just as he will do for you.


  1. I love what is said at the end about the measure you give is what will be given back to you. It's the truth! If I want, respect, love and care from my husband, I have to give it first. I can't think that he has to be the one to give it to me first, because then what if we both thought that way? None of us would be happy!

  2. I really liked this meeting, it made be see what God expects from us woman (married or single), I learnt so much through the real examples that were given and it made us see how important we are to God that why He gave us this role.

  3. Wow this message has thought me so much and if I keep on reading it , it would prepare me for my marriage one day . Thank you for sharing with us

  4. Tivere Stephen21 July 2015 at 08:47

    I love this message so much! it is spot on:-) Submission is a decision we have to make and follow any if our flesh want to do otherwise. I am grateful for all the advice I am receiving from this wonderful Blog, it’s really adding to my life and my Marriage positively. Thanks for sharing:-) Xx