My journey through menopause... A tale by Talents Rathebe.

The lovely Talents Rathebe here to her journey on menopause

I had just turned 40 years old when I arrived in the UK in 2011. I remember being so excited on my 40th birthday and thinking, "Life has just begun!" I had always heard people saying that life began at 40 and I was really looking forward to it. But then, I noticed some strange changes in me as time went by. I started getting hot and cold flushes, depression, mood swings, lack of sleep, gaining weight, forgetting things, anxiety, panic attacks, headaches and extreme tiredness, etc.

A daunting experience

Experiencing these sort of symptoms can be very daunting. You begin feeling like something is wrong with you, especially if you don't know what is causing all the symptoms. I was very confused. I had never felt like this before and I began thinking that something was wrong with me as a person. Little by little, I began isolating myself from my friends and loved ones. How could I expect anyone to understand me, if I didn’t understand myself either? 

Going through menopause

I landed at my GP’s surgery, in tears and so confused. I always took care of myself, physically and spiritually,  so how could I be dealing with unexplained insomnia and mood swings? Wasn't that supposed to be associated with spiritual problems? One minute I was happy and the next minute I was creating a storm in a tea cup. The worst of all was feeling anxious. This drove me crazy! Well, I found out I was going through menopause, which explained the symptoms I was feeling. 

If you are going through your menopause, you are not alone and there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. There are things that you can do to make things more bearable for yourself. Join me next week as I tell you what I've been doing, which has been working for me. Together, we can do this!

Lending a helping hand.

This week's meeting was filled with good news as we looked back at everything we have learned in the month of August. Some women who attend our meetings shared how their lives were changed for the better when they chose to apply what they learned in our meetings. Watch as Sibon shares how, after she learned the difference between a fantasy and a real dream, she managed to bring to existence a dream of going to gain work experience at a law firm in New York.

Sibon Phiri - from our Nottingham branch

We finalised our meeting with another important lesson. We live in a culture of self-help. It is common nowadays for people to invest in themselves by reading books, listening to motivational tapes or even participating in meetings such as ours. This is by no means a bad thing, as this is how we develop as people.

Pay it forward

But, in focusing on receiving help for ourselves, we can sometimes tend to forget that there are others around us, who may need our help. Helping and sharing with others is an important part of our development as human beings. Who has never had to hear from his or her parents about the need to share one's toys?

This is because we are born with a nature that is self-absorbed. We can easily become the centre of our own worlds, and forget that others exist around us.

This week we encouraged the women who were present to take what they receive in our meetings and extend it to others. One word of encouragement that you share with someone could mean the difference between life and death. Have you been paying attention to your neighbours, work colleagues or distant relatives? Instead of keeping your distance, why not get to know them better, so you may be available for them, should they need help? Be a positive part of their story!

Our friendly advisers are always available to talk to you, should you need a listening ear. Book an appointment with one of us by contacting us on rahab@uckg.org. Do not suffer in silence!

What to do when your children face problems.

Mothers in Prayer Group in our branch in Willesden Green

One of the most difficult things we mothers have to face is witnessing our children go through a hard time. Our maternal instincts kick in and we want to spare and protect them. But, unfortunately, difficulties come to everyone. So, how can you as a mother deal with your children's problems?

Compassion vs Sorrow

Ruling out indifference, we find that there are two ways we mothers can react when our children face problems - we can either feel sorrow or compassion towards them. What is the difference?

Sorrow is a feeling of deep distress caused by misfortune, and compassion is a  feeling of deep sympathy for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. What makes them different is sorrow is just a feeling, but compassion makes you want to take action against the problem. 

Be compassionate

We mothers generally have a sixth sense when it comes to our children and this intuition can often alert us that something is wrong, without them needing to say

a word. What should you do when you detect a problem? 

Times like these call for action. First of all, you should remain objective to understand what their problem is, without allowing your feelings to cloud your judgment. Practicing the communication skills we taught you will come in handy, should you need to have a conversation with your child about what's going on. 

Don't take over

Once you've identified the problem fully, the next step is to figure out how you can help your child, without taking over. Remember, you still want to teach them to be independent, so you don't want to solve problems for them, but guide them to solve their own problems under your careful watch.

There are situations in which you'll be able to help, guide or support them, but there are others in which you will not be abel to do anything about their problem. In cases like these, you can help them through your prayers and being next to them.

And is this act of faith and love that the mothers are putting in practice this week, we are going to do something to help our children instead of lamenting. 

We invite you to join us this Sunday after the 10:00am service to learn a new revelation. 

Did you know an ice bath can dry your nail polish faster?

There is nothing more annoying than spending a long time to apply your nail polish only to have it smudged at the end, because it didn't dry properly. So, how can you make sure you nail polish dries quickly on those days when time is not on your side? 

 Giving your nails in a dip in a bowl filled with iced water will dry them faster. Nail polish dries quickly in colder temperatures. So, the colder the water is the quicker your polish will dry. 

Putting Hands in the Freezer

Although this method will probably add numbers to your electric bill, the cold can thicken the polish while the circulating air evaporates the solvent.

Using a blow dryer or fan

Your blow dryer can dry more than your hair. Blow your nails using your dryer's coldest setting and they will be dry in no time! Just go easy on the potency settings, because you don't want to blow ripples into your polish.

Spraying your nails with cooking spray

Spray your nails completely with your cooking spray will have them dry fast. But, there should be a propellent in the list of ingredients. The propellent evaporates and drains the liquid in your nail polish faster. Let the spray sit for a minute or two, and then wash your hands of the oil. 

Recognise your strength.

Daiane Docothé and husband Tiago Decothé.

I remember hearing my teacher speak about the trajectory of a sperm once during a science lesson and it left me completely in awe. This made me look at myself differently and understand that nature begins as nature intends for us to proceed in life.

You were born a victor

Among millions of sperm, only one is able to successfully fertilize the egg in order for you to be born, defeating millions of contenders. How is it that someone who is born a victor can feel so defeated later on in life?

We see many people who are tired of living, some even contemplating suicide, because of the many difficulties they face. But, facing difficulty and overcoming is what you were born to do. Question is, in moments like these, how do you tap in this source of strength that you possess inside of you?

A source of strength

In a chase to fertilise the egg, the sperm cannot be distracted by the million problems around it. It's only focus is one, reaching the end - its focus is on the solution and not the problem. When things overwhelm you, shift your focus from what is going wrong and start focusing on what you would like to conquer. Live your dream day and night and do something towards it every day. Soon, victory will follow.

By Daiane Decothé.

Join us every Sunday at 5pm, at the Rainbow Theatre, N4 3NX, for meetings that will empower you and inspire you to reach your goals.

Understand your value as a woman.

This week's meeting was all about exclusive brands and expensive fruit. We asked our audience the following question: remembering your visit to the mall, how often have you set foot in the Prada store? Yet, how often do you visit other reasonably priced stores? 

Among all present, only one shared to have entered the Prada store once and came out without buying anything.

Why is it we never even bother going into these stores? It is because we know we can't afford to buy anything in the store. Only those who are willing to pay the price the store offers venture in.

You are of high value

The same should apply to you as a woman. You are of a high value, an exclusive property, and the men who show an interest in you should recognise that and be willing to pay a high price for you. However, this has not been the case with many women. 

With many, all it takes to win them over are a few words of flattery. "You're so beautiful. You make my heart race so fast. I'm crazy about you. Will you go out with me?" And, boom! That's it. She has fallen. 

Be exclusive - you are worth it!

While living in Japan, Claudia Brito remembers coming across a special bunch of grapes - the Ruby Roman grapes. The Telegraph recently reported of someone who paid  £5,000 at an auction for a bunch of these grapes. 

Claudia mentioned that in the supermarket, one was not allowed to even touch or smell these grapes. They were separated from the rest of the fruit. They were exclusive. In order to touch them or smell them, you had to buy them.

Make yourself similarly exclusive as a woman. When you make yourself easy to conquer, you also make yourself easy to discard. But, if a man has to work hard to conquer you and pay a high price for you, he will also value you as you value yourself. 

We are by no means putting price tags on us as women, just using simple analogies to drive the point home that when you realise how valuable you are, your standards rise and you inspire those around you to do the same and respect your value. 

Cheers to all valuable women out there!

How to communicate effectively with your children.

Dear mums, these last few weeks we have been learning about effective communication with our kids. As parents, our main goal is to make sure our kids understand what we are communicating to them and vice versa. Bearing in mind that children are all different, we need to respect their personalities and not force them to be like us or do things like we do. Understanding their personality helps us relate to them in an appropriate way. For example, if your child is easily distracted, you know that long talks will not do, because he or she will lose focus along the way, so the best way is to get creative and use analogies he can relate to, which will make him or her understand your point a lot quicker. 

Different ways of communicating

But today we want to stress that communication is much more than talking. We can communicate in many different ways:

• Through listening - making sure we understand what is being communicated to us.

• With gestures of affection - affection screams love; it reassures our children.

• Showing interest in what they like - it makes them feel like an important to you.

• Being sincere - it will help them to learn to respect boundaries.

• With our eyes and expressions - remember, our faces paint a picture!

When we manage to have this kind of relationship with our children, we will be the first person from whom they will seek help or come to clear any doubt. Effective communication leads to trust, respect and admiration.

Mothers in Prayer Group in Croydon.

Every week, the Mothers in Prayer Group gets together to learn how to give our best to our children. Join us in practicing this week's lesson and take time  to talk and listen to your child(ren) this week. And, come to share the results with us this Sunday, at the Rainbow Theatre, after the 10:00am service. See you there!